Epicenter

I don't know if you guys heard, but there was a crazy storm in NJ while I was up in Syracuse this past weekend. For this last week, many businesses, schools, and homes have been without power (one of my buddies didn't have power from Saturday - Friday) for a while. Thankfully, I've been able to avoid much of the power loss (I had power when I got back home Sunday night). However, my center was not so fortunate - I didn't work Monday and Tuesday. Awesome - no sarcasm, really.

Anyways, since I came across some free time (you know, because I didn't have much of that before. . .), I decided to finally clean my room. For those readers who are unfamiliar with my room: imagine a thief ransacked your entire room for a furtively hidden silver dollar. Twice. After laundry day, maybe 15 times. At least that's how it's been described to me by pretty much anyone who has at least peeked into it.

Fools. See, here is the exception to the law of entropy that everyone overlooks (it may or may not hold up in a scientific applications): If you leave an item somewhere, it will remain there unless you move it. We'll call it John's Law. The reason, besides laziness, that I don't clean my room is because of this law. If I already know where everything is, why do I need to follow a structure where I do more work to put an item back in place so that I'll know where it is next time even though I can put it anywhere and know anyway? (It's a rhetorical question full of flaws and assumptions - please don't dominate me). As someone who values practicality over aesthetics (except on girls), I just don't see the point.

Naturally, when I came across John's Law, I tried to apply it to people. Because that's what I do. I sit (lie) here alone and think about people. Creepy and ironic. The social application of John's Law really peeved me. As a ridiculously self-centered/absorbed individual (I have a blog - red flag #1), it really annoyed me that when I leave a person, his life does not pause. Nor does he stay stagnant, waiting for my return. That really sucks. "You are not a moon in my life!?"

To constantly move towards an end that may be different from everyone else in your life. Sentence fragments. It's a terrifying thought that all the people for whom you have so much positive emotion may be nothing but tangential, transient, passer-bys.

Optimist?

Recently, one of my friends and I have been increasingly noticing differences between the way we view things. He is a pessimist who instinctively assumes/expects the worst; I, on the other hand, am no paradigmatic optimist, but certainly more so than my friend.

My identification as an optimist was a bit of a shock to me because I had never considered myself as such. If anything, I thought I agreed more often with Negative Nancy. However, as I reflected further on my values and expectations, I realized that damn it, I really AM an optimist!

And it's all because of one damn thing. One "trait" (more like illusion) called POTENTIAL. For whatever reason, if I deem that something has "potential," I just cannot give up on it.

Every year since I was a sophomore (junior?) in high school (including, God-willing, this year), I've been participating in fantasy basketball. During the NBA regular season, fantasy basketball becomes the primary deciding factor in my mood; all other things become secondary and tertiary. One look at my team will show any informed fantasy basketball GM that my decisions are overly swayed by potential. "Let's draft the player who's just been traded for being an idiot and is hated by his coach. . . He IS insanely athletic and puts up great per-minute stats" does not bode well for my mood during the fantasy season. And yet, somehow those players supposedly laden with potential end up dying on my roster and eventually in free agency.

This adherence to potential pervades every other facet of my decision-making - Tetris, friends, crushes, etc. Just as I greedily wait for the stick in Tetris when I see how much damage I can do to my opponents, I simply sit around and wait for those whom I've deemed have potential. As a judgmental person who's slightly obsessed with patterns, I can't help but judge people and extrapolate their good and bad characteristics into infinity. If my extrapolation calculates that you are a good fit for me, as a friend or otherwise, it will take many multiples of bad experiences for me to give up on you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm unsure if I'm an optimist, but I'm most definitely a believer in people, in humanity. Even though I know it's stupid, I bet with bad hands in poker, and I almost never fold. Cashing in on potential makes victory all the more sweet, and I think the friends I have made and the people I meet give me better odds than a 7 Deuce off suit (. . . I think that's the worst hand in poker. . . Not sure).

Oh man, what a cheesy post/ending.